Look here, sugar, life doesn’t hand out a trophy to the mom who neglects herself the most. So, quit with that mess!
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I think mothers are just naturally self-negligent. We give and give until the barrel is dry….with frown lines. I mentioned in my last post (you can read it here) that you cant give from an empty pail; and in this post, i’m going to give you ladies some ideas and a little advice on how to fill that bad boy back up! Self-love is a NECESSITY I’m going to tell you about a few things I’ve experienced and learned in my years as a wife and mother and a few things that have worked for me to get me out of, what I call, “mom burnout.”
How can we make room for you if we don’t clear out some other stuff first?
As a mom of two young children, a wife, active church member, blogger, photographer, homeschooler and mompreneur; I totally get the whole “where do I find time” thing. I do, really. But, there comes a time when you have to say “Enough is enough!! Mom needs some attention too!”
The house isn’t going to burst into flames if you allow someone else to do the vacuuming.
My revelation came when I was up late nursing my daughter one night and she had been screaming with Silent Re-flux for at least 30 mins. It was up in the middle of the night and I was physically and mentally drained. I get back to the bed, lay down, look to my right and my husband (bless his heart) has just slept like a baby through that entire ordeal! I was amazed and infuriated with how this man didn’t even offer to help me, knowing how exhausted I was! (That night I had to pray for patience and wisdom, because if the Lord granted me with strength, I could’ve knocked that man somewhere!) I was so irritated and hurt that the next day I confronted my husband. I just had to know how in the world he could just sleep through that?!? And you know what his answer was? He said that he didn’t think that I wanted his help. He said that every time he tried to contribute, I refused his help. He gave me examples of trying to help with dishes, the vacuuming, bathing the kids ect. I had become such a control freak and wrapped up in this mom guilt that, mentally, everything had to be done perfectly. All. The. Time. I felt TERRIBLE! He had been trying to help in the ways he knew how and I mentally couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was suppose to be completing all of these tasks myself; and perfectly at that. I had literally ran myself all the way into the ground. I vowed that night , I was going to have to learn to let some things go!
I needed to feel like Lacey, again. Not just mom.
I decided that I was on a mission to shake the”mom burnout”,
Here are some of the things that I did!
1. I had to learn to say no. This tip has saved my sanity. I no longer allow myself to feel guilty if i need to say, “I’m sorry, I cant today.”
2. I do my best to make a point of getting up before the kids at least 3 times a week so I can have my devotions and quiet time with God. (And also enjoy a nice quiet.. ahem..I mean “hot” cup of coffee) Check out the book that changed my prayer life here! Also, one of the cutest coffee mugs ever, here.
3. I try to do something once a week to pamper myself. Sometimes that means giving myself a facial (my favorite mask is linked here) while the baby naps and sometimes I let the husband have daddy time with the kiddos while I soak up to my nose in a hot lush bath (These bath bombs are the cutest thing, ever.) with a cup of my favorite tea (linked here, seriously you have to have a cup of this stuff). and a good book (Current read here.) (This whole “letting go” thing has been the BOMB.COM)
4. I make myself take time out a few days a week to workout. I’m not saying that you have to go buy a gym membership and start training for the Olympics, so don’t start freaking out just yet. I work out at home. Sometimes I use A Jillian Micheals’ DVD, I do PIYO or i just find a good HIIT workout on Youtube. It doesn’t have to be 2 hours long; just take 30min-hour and spend it on bettering yourself. There are a TON of free workouts on the internet, you just have to look!
5. There was a time B.C. (Before Children) that I loved to read. I would read anything that you put in my hands and I loved every minute of it. I could get lost in a book for hours without batting an eye and that was one thing that i definitely missed after having kids. I just couldn’t find the time to read anymore. So I made a plan to read at least once book a month, nothing to drastic but enough to wet my whistle. Check this out if you like to read in the bath.. thank me later.
6. I also needed to feel like a my husbands wife again. Moms just know what its like to become more mom than spouse. I needed to feel that spark again and I needed to feel it without tiny people sticking their fingers into my pasta bowl. So we made it official that we would get a date night every couple weeks. Nothing to expensive, just dinner and a cheap movie to hold hands and reconnect as “husband and wife” and not as “mom and dad.”
7. I needed a creative outlet to focus on. I love photography. I love the fact that you can preserve a memory of a beautiful moment with a timeless image to pass down for generations. That was my outlet. So I created L.Rose Portraits. Whether your interests are journaling, painting, hand lettering, blogging, or music I strongly encourage you to enjoy them. Create a relaxing and creative atmosphere; relax and enjoy your passions.
So that’s it, mom; I’ve given you some insight into my personal development as a wife, mother and human being and I hope that you can take away the importance of loving and caring for yourself. You’re worth it, you’re marriage is worth it and your children are worth it.
So until next time, may the tantrums be short and the bubble baths be long.
P.S. Chinese takeout containers float. (Takeout in a bubble bath? Thank you Jesus!) You’re welcome. ✊🏼