You start kindergarten in just a few short weeks and as proud as I am of you, I am terrified. How can my first born baby be ready for school already? How did 5 years come and go so quickly? It seems like just yesterday that I heard your tiny heartbeat for the first time and then at 39 weeks and 2 days, your tiny 7lb 7oz body stole my heart forever. The moment they laid you on my chest I knew there would never be another feeling quite like that one. And I was right; the moment you become a mother is something that nothing else could ever surpass. It was primal, beautiful, empowering, chaotic and terrifying all at once. Half of my heart was literally going to be walking around outside of my body for the rest of my life. Watching you grow, and learn and experience new things has been the greatest adventure I have ever known. You are growing to be such a sweet, rambunctious, funny, witty, empathetic, patient and curious little boy. I’m so proud of your desire to do what is right, even if its not the popular thing to do. I’m proud of the big brother you have become, strong and protective. I’m proud that you’re not afraid to be yourself and I’m proud of you for standing up for the things you feel in your heart to be good and true. As your mother, I pray everyday that we have instilled the right values in your life and that God would guide and protect your little heart. I pray for your protection, I pray for your salvation and I pray that God would make and mold me into the mother that He would have me to be. I will continue to pray for you as you grow and I will do my best to be the example that you need. I will slip up and I will fail and fall at times, but because of you, I will always get back up.
Since the day you were born we have always told you that we “Love you to the moon and allllll the way back down!!” ; You would smile and laugh and give the biggest, wettest open mouth kisses that I needed just as much as I needed air to breathe. Well one day, out of the blue, you were eating lunch in your highchair and I asked you, “Do you know how much Mommy loves you?” You looked in my eyes and said “Moon Ma-Ma, MOON!!!!” The truth is, son, my love for you goes far beyond the moon. The day you made me a mom is forever the best gift I could have ever received. I am so blessed to be able to call you my son.
Look here, sugar, life doesn’t hand out a trophy to the mom who neglects herself the most. So, quit with that mess!
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I think mothers are just naturally self-negligent. We give and give until the barrel is dry….with frown lines. I mentioned in my last post (you can read it here) that you cant give from an empty pail; and in this post, i’m going to give you ladies some ideas and a little advice on how to fill that bad boy back up! Self-love is a NECESSITY I’m going to tell you about a few things I’ve experienced and learned in my years as a wife and mother and a few things that have worked for me to get me out of, what I call, “mom burnout.”
How can we make room for you if we don’t clear out some other stuff first?
As a mom of two young children, a wife, active church member, blogger, photographer, homeschooler and mompreneur; I totally get the whole “where do I find time” thing. I do, really. But, there comes a time when you have to say “Enough is enough!! Mom needs some attention too!”
The house isn’t going to burst into flames if you allow someone else to do the vacuuming.
My revelation came when I was up late nursing my daughter one night and she had been screaming with Silent Re-flux for at least 30 mins. It was up in the middle of the night and I was physically and mentally drained. I get back to the bed, lay down, look to my right and my husband (bless his heart) has just slept like a baby through that entire ordeal! I was amazed and infuriated with how this man didn’t even offer to help me, knowing how exhausted I was! (That night I had to pray for patience and wisdom, because if the Lord granted me with strength, I could’ve knocked that man somewhere!) I was so irritated and hurt that the next day I confronted my husband. I just had to know how in the world he could just sleep through that?!? And you know what his answer was? He said that he didn’t think that I wanted his help. He said that every time he tried to contribute, I refused his help. He gave me examples of trying to help with dishes, the vacuuming, bathing the kids ect. I had become such a control freak and wrapped up in this mom guilt that, mentally, everything had to be done perfectly. All. The. Time. I felt TERRIBLE! He had been trying to help in the ways he knew how and I mentally couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was suppose to be completing all of these tasks myself; and perfectly at that. I had literally ran myself all the way into the ground. I vowed that night , I was going to have to learn to let some things go!
I needed to feel like Lacey, again. Not just mom.
I decided that I was on a mission to shake the”mom burnout”,
Here are some of the things that I did!
1. I had to learn to say no. This tip has saved my sanity. I no longer allow myself to feel guilty if i need to say, “I’m sorry, I cant today.”
2. I do my best to make a point of getting up before the kids at least 3 times a week so I can have my devotions and quiet time with God. (And also enjoy a nice quiet.. ahem..I mean “hot” cup of coffee) Check out the book that changed my prayer life here! Also, one of the cutest coffee mugs ever, here.
3. I try to do something once a week to pamper myself. Sometimes that means giving myself a facial (my favorite mask is linked here) while the baby naps and sometimes I let the husband have daddy time with the kiddos while I soak up to my nose in a hot lush bath (These bath bombs are the cutest thing, ever.) with a cup of my favorite tea (linked here, seriously you have to have a cup of this stuff). and a good book (Current read here.) (This whole “letting go” thing has been the BOMB.COM)
4. I make myself take time out a few days a week to workout. I’m not saying that you have to go buy a gym membership and start training for the Olympics, so don’t start freaking out just yet. I work out at home. Sometimes I use A Jillian Micheals’ DVD, I do PIYO or i just find a good HIIT workout on Youtube. It doesn’t have to be 2 hours long; just take 30min-hour and spend it on bettering yourself. There are a TON of free workouts on the internet, you just have to look!
5. There was a time B.C. (Before Children) that I loved to read. I would read anything that you put in my hands and I loved every minute of it. I could get lost in a book for hours without batting an eye and that was one thing that i definitely missed after having kids. I just couldn’t find the time to read anymore. So I made a plan to read at least once book a month, nothing to drastic but enough to wet my whistle. Check this out if you like to read in the bath.. thank me later.
6. I also needed to feel like a my husbands wife again. Moms just know what its like to become more mom than spouse. I needed to feel that spark again and I needed to feel it without tiny people sticking their fingers into my pasta bowl. So we made it official that we would get a date night every couple weeks. Nothing to expensive, just dinner and a cheap movie to hold hands and reconnect as “husband and wife” and not as “mom and dad.”
7. I needed a creative outlet to focus on. I love photography. I love the fact that you can preserve a memory of a beautiful moment with a timeless image to pass down for generations. That was my outlet. So I created L.Rose Portraits. Whether your interests are journaling, painting, hand lettering, blogging, or music I strongly encourage you to enjoy them. Create a relaxing and creative atmosphere; relax and enjoy your passions.
So that’s it, mom; I’ve given you some insight into my personal development as a wife, mother and human being and I hope that you can take away the importance of loving and caring for yourself. You’re worth it, you’re marriage is worth it and your children are worth it.
So until next time, may the tantrums be short and the bubble baths be long.
P.S. Chinese takeout containers float. (Takeout in a bubble bath? Thank you Jesus!) You’re welcome. ✊🏼
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalms 61:2 My top scripture verse as a mom.
Every mom knows that feeling. It’s the end of an exhausting day and you haven’t had a second,alone, to think. You’re a SAHM and yet, your house is still a disaster; the dinner you made was a total bust; the kids are still screaming and you’re praying for bedtime. You’re stressing about finances, your struggling marriage, your diet that’s up in flames, the laundry that’s piled up to the ceiling and the fact that no matter how hard you try, that kid is never going to learn to tie his shoes. Then you sit down, finally able to relax, and you start to scroll through your Instagram feed to find these “Super-Moms”, everywhere. Their home is impeccably organized. They run these amazing blogs and Etsy shops and they cook these ridiculously time consuming meals. They homeschool 7 kids ,(all in different sports) and still have time to sip tea on the back patio with their husbands and document it all for the rest of us mediocre moms to see. (And envy)
As mothers, we set our hearts up for failure and defeat the second we start comparing ourselves to someone else, especially these facades of motherhood we see on social media.
For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.
2 Corinthians 10:12
When a flower blooms it doesn’t worry about what the flower next door is making for dinner or wonder how the next flowers’ body bounced back so fast after her last pregnancy. It simply, blooms. Gracefully and beautifully on its own; paying no mind to the surrounding flowers. It’s basks in the sunshine given by its creator and thrives therein.
Momma. You. Are. Enough.
You CAN NOT do it all! So, stop making yourself miserable by trying. I speak from experience when I say that, you are not only making yourself miserable but you are also affecting your children and your spouse by focusing your time and energy on all the wrong things. Having a messy house, is ok sometimes! Having a bad attitude, is ok sometimes! Saying, “forget these chores, I’m hanging with the kids today!”, is ok!!!! Don’t let these misconceptions of reality warp you into believing that you aren’t the actual norm! Believe it or not, you’re not the first mom to throw a towel on the peed on sheets and go back to sleep!
You have to learn to prioritize your sanity. You can’t give from an empty pail. Take some time alone to do things just for mom every now and then. Self reflect and “recharge”. Make lists, set goals and enjoy the life your given and don’t squander precious time that you can’t get back. You alone are in charge of giving your children a happy mother and you can’t be happy living with a defeated spirit. Hold dear to your heart, the fact that God gave YOU those children; God lead your husband to YOU and you ALL are right where you are suppose to be. So, momma,don’t sweat the smoke and mirrors. Just know that you are exactly who God intended you to be, their momma.
So until next time, be easy on yourself, Momma. You’re doing just fine.
P.S. You’re rockin that mom hair today. I see you girl.
I want to personally introduce myself. (Ya know, as personally as I can on the world wide web.) My name is Lacey and I am a wife and mother of two beautiful children. (See adorable photo above) I’m a sarcastic homemaker, laundry hater, scatter-brained entrepreneur, mom-tographer and brutally honest mommy blogger.(See this blog.) I (attempt) to run a small photography business (check it out here) and still keep up with the day to day demands of raising two small children and running a (semi) functional home. Within the realms of this blog you will find information on finances, wife life, and no holds barred, real life, parenting.
Being a mom and a wife isn’t always smiles, well behaved kids, endless romance and Pinterest worthy dinners. AND ITS OK THAT ITS NOT!! Sometimes it’s tears, tantrums, (the kids even have some too) messy rooms, sticky floors, disagreements and then McDonalds drive thru for dinner. Fast food and a bad day doesn’t make you a bad mom, it makes you human! In today’s tech-social society we hold moms to this supernatural and completely unrealistic level of perfection that no human can attain. We have to stop it! There’s are days where I wake up early, make the kids breakfast, print out developmental worksheets, make nutritional lunches (actually without the microwave), clean the house, do some laundry, make a 3 course dinner and get the kids bathed and in bed before 9pm. Then there are other days where my time is consumed with consoling a moody toddler (wonder where she gets that **eyeroll**) and keeping tabs on a rambunctious 5 year old. But, what remains the same at the end of those 2 very different days is that my love and dedication to my husband and my children is unwavering. I never want my children to go a day without knowing and believing in their hearts that their mother loves them with all she has. (even if she could do without that attitude) So, be nice to your fellow mommies; and let them know that being human isn’t a fault, it’s just being real.
Until next time, may the tantrums be short and your eyeliner be even
P.S. Your coffee is in the microwave, You’re welcome.